on a scale of one to star trek i don’t even need to finish this sentence the answer is star trek
you know when i die i’ll probably just be in the afterlife blogging like
"heaven has no free wi-fi? fuck this shit i’m going to hell"
how do you know hell has wifi
satan owes me several favors
i’m procrastinating because i’m stressed and i’m stressed because i’m procrastinating
i get so affectionate when i’m sleepy it’s disgusting
but does it count as murder if you say sorry
DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.